Outta sight, outta mind, outta here...

I rarely write on here, and I am tempted just to stop now alltogether.

I rarely read other peoples journals, I only write something.

I think this is a way of saying Goodbye to many things right now. I have tried to keep all that I can being so far away. I have never stopped thinking of the people I have left behind, but it seems that I can not count on others as I used to. I really want to be happy but I think there is way too much drama, stress and frustration with the past, so I am just cutting a lot of shit out. Gotta work on my life, after all who knows what the future will bring.

This is the last update perhaps forever.. *sounds dramatic*

I love Japan but my job works me like a dog. I am grateful though, because I am not relying on any handouts nor state benefits. i have a pension fund which is really important. I have a career, a new language, new friends and experiences. I go out every weekend, see new things and challenge myself. Nothing is ever boring here.

I want to keep studying. Education is extremely important. In this age few people can really make it without a degree, and even then a degree is nothing you need a MA, PhD, etc. I have been looking at going back to school in the next couple of years. My first thoughts are going to Helsinki to study Global Studies MA. with this, perhaps I could work within the E.U or U.N? Who knows? This is just an idea of course... I am always working on more than one idea.

People I believed I was close too just seem to always let me down. I'm not letting people get close anymore. Still a friend, but I just wanna take care of myself and not give a damn about your problems. There are only a couple of people I trust and they know who they are.

Well, Goodbye.


1) Was 2011 a good year for you?

Different. The first part was in Germany which was hard for many reasons, mainly having 3 jobs just to survive but life in Germany was awesome and I think struggling makes you stronger because the latter half of the year I got to do something I always wanted to, go to Japan.

2) What were your favourite moments of the year?

So many moments, seeing X Japan, Gackt, going to London, going to Tokyo and Seoul. Meeting Hanan and Stat again.

3) What was your least favourite moment (s) of the year?
Going through the SCM shit but teaching the kids was amazing.

4) Where were you when 2011 began?

In a club, in Berlin of course!!

5) Who were you with?

A lot of my Berlin friends, roommates and tons of Germans.

6) Where will you be when 2011 ends?

In SEOUL! Hangdae baby!!!

7) Who will you be with when 2011 ends?

Stat and some of her friends!

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2010?

I don't think I had any.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2012

I think I said learn Japanese and finish my Michael Fassbender bet! HAH

10) Did you fall in love in 2011?

I fell in love with X Japan again.

11) If yes, with who?

X Japan.. duh

12) Did you breakup with anyone in 2011?

I kinda "dumped" my German bf.. if you can call 2 dates a boyfriend? Can you??

13) Did you make any new friends in 2011?

Of course, I always make friends :P not to be rude but because I am always traveling!

14) Who are your favourite new friends?

My neo-Japanese mates!

15) What was your favourite month of 2011?

Omg.. March (london, Aeon Interview) June( finished SCMX Japan) July (GacktLondon)August (Moving to Japan) September(JAPAN) october (JAPAN) November (Anna sui and JAPAN!) December (Japan and Korea)!!!!

16) Did you travel outside of your country of residence in 2011?

Silly question, traveling is what I do!

17) How many different states/provinces did you travel to in 2011?

... Germany, England, Japan, Korea

18) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2011?

I lost someone but not so close. I feel that I could lose someone soon. So let's not talk about this.


20) What was your favourite movie that you saw in 2011?

OMG so many films this year, I saw soo many German ones, I saw the Devil, ...... THOR Yeah ... Captain America... many just so many I love films.

21) What was your favourite song from 2011?

Nightwish : I want my tears back.

22) What was your favourite record from 2011?


23) How many concerts did you see in 2011?

Many... many many .. I got to see 2NE1 in Japan! Awesome.

24) Did you have a favourite concert in 2011?

X Japan. It was an amazing night. It was a small show, and I got to touch Yoshiki. X Japan is the best band in the world!!

25) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2011?

em... yeah all the time, I seem to end up in countries that love drinking.

26) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2011?

No.. I don't do drugs.

27) How many people did you sleep with in 2011?

emmmmm.. 2...

28) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?

No. I do embarrasing things but nothing I am ashamed of.

29) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2011?

I don't really remember.

30) Did you treat somebody badly in 2011?


31) Did somebody treat you badly in 2011?

Yes. Two people. I don't hold them in high regard and I know who my friends are and I have learnt not to be to upset when people do not act how I would in situations.

32) How much money did you spend in 2011?

Since September.. too much I spend way too much but that is Japan dear!

33) What was your proudest moment of 2011?

Getting a dream job in Japan!

34) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2011?

Throwing up in a club... possibly.

35) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2011 and change something, what would it be?

Nothing. I believe things happen for a reason and we do not need to find ourselves but create ourselves.

36) What are your plans for 2012?

Still working in Japan until next year, learning more Japanese, seeing the world.. maybe working out what I really want to do in life. HAH!

----------------meme two -----------------

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Got a work visa and a re-entry permit for working in JAPAN! Had my first Thanksgiving.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't really have any last year, but I have made a few for this year and I will try to stick to them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

A few old friends did.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Great Aunt did and my Grandad was very ill.

5. What countries did you visit?

Germany, UK, Japan and Korea.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Understanding and stronger friendships, not that I lacked them 100% last year but I feel this year is going to be better.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Seeing X Japan, 16th August landing in Japan. 31.dec 2011.. Korea NYE

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a Job in Japan

9. What was your biggest failure?

Perhaps allowing others to do what they wished and not fighting back when I had the chance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Anna Sui Bag :P Love it.. and everytime I walk into the store I get a thank you from the sales girls! hehe!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

MINE ... lmao

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Some people whom remain nameless

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, tax, bills, oh and SHOPPING... yeah sad times.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to Japan

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Set fire to the rain. Adele.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Same

ii. thinner or fatter? Same

iii. richer or poorer? Hella richer :D

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Let go.. talk to new people

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

getting stuck on myself

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it with my american friends in Hirasuka!

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

In Hangdae Seoul, that's South Korea :D

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?


23. How many one-night stands?


24. What was your favourite TV program?

American Horror story, the Borgias... etc

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't hate, I just pity.

26. What was the best book you read?

In the Miso Soup.

27. What was your musical discovery of 2011?
Hum, lots, I LOVE discovering new bands, metal and rock is so diverse that it is always changing, you can like the older bands and then bang new ones just as awesome appear! I love ti.

28. What did you want and get?
I got a Job in JAPAN! come on how many more times am I going to say that?

29.What did you want and not get?

Nightwish CD but I am thinking of buying the Japanese release.

30. What was your favourite film that you saw for the first time this year?

omg I loved Thor, and Captain America, but there were so many good films, I finally saw Iron man, urgh I did have to sit through Harry Potter, so glad I didn't read the books they just aren't good.. I may get shot for this but.. Harry potter is just as childish and retarded as Twilight.. read something for grown ups!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went out partying! I was 24 and soon 25 guess I should plan something eh?

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I would love to be able to buy jeans in Asia but being that I have hips I doubt that will ever happen.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Different.. me, and suits :D

34. What kept you sane?

Knowing that when you work and really suffer things do pay off!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Tom Hiddleston.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Nick Clegg loosing his backbone.

37. Who did you miss?

A lot of people. So many things have changed and I sometimes wish they wouldn't

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My Japanese Trainees.. love them.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Do what you want to do and be prepared to work hard for it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year

And I always love what others hate - but I never give up faith

Out in their world I feel insane - at her eyes I'm dying to stare

And I always love what others hate - but I never give up faith

(no subject)

Christmas has come and gone and more and more I am discovering it is more than presents and stuff. This year my presents were primarily money but I don't feel the need to bore anyone with all the details. All my presents were awesome because so much thought went into them. Thank you very much.

Now what did I get for others. Well most of the presents are still here and shall be untill May when my parents visit. My father wants to add to his already huge collection of football tees and get a japanese footie shirt. I vote not Omiya ( google to understand ) for my mother there is tea. Nice tea...jen jen is a secret because she can see this. I am looking forward to a visit.

And for today... I m going to Korea!!!

It's the same dead boy's song.

My first is the language barrior which still hinders me at every turn although I have gotten better my level is still so low it cannot be considered a conversation.

My second is a constant unchanging fact.

My third is the granted to be taken.

My fourth is no regrets and no looking back. I want to travel where life travels. It will never be enough. I will never settle and I will never stop. You may give up and believe this is all there is but I will sacrifice normality to see everything with my two eyes.

My fifth is the song of myself.

Heart racing...

So I am now on day 8 of work... this is starting to hurt now.
Training was as I expected not worth the 8 hours I spent on it, and some Japanese person tried to ring me, and left a message. I don't recognise the number so I shall have M*** check it out today. I just wanna sleeeeeep... 

(no subject)

Sooo another Sunday off. Next week will kill I don't know how I can do a 9 day week and still b able to do my job well, finish the kids self study poster and sell self study bs. I dont think it will work. It is hard to sell expensive cds and books on students..... but I have to sell something arrrgh.

I neeeed to sort my hair out. Yeah kinda mundane but it is pissing me off. It is too short to tie up and it looks weird if I leave it down. It kinda sticks out at the bottom and doesnt look good.... maybe I will have my first professional haircut at a salon? Yeah? Only problem I want to grow my hair out
.... damn

(no subject)

 Or not I guess...
So you may call me a pussy for freaking out about a blood test, but shaking and a little dramatically I accepted this as one of life's little deal with it moments and maned the fuck up, held out my arm and closed my eyes, it doesn't hurt, ittakunai desu! But the very idea of an blood test makes me feel quite ill. Sometimes you have to just fight your fears... or at least do not freak out in public. 

I am still rather ill, my hearing is impaired which is causing me some worry and I want that back before Tuesday.

Life at the moment is something interesting, I am learning a lot and in someways I feel larthagic. Life is work work work but also in someways I experience complete freedom.  I love the weekends but I also can't wait to go back to work..

Today I went to LV! Seriously! WOW I felt so poor, but have decided to visit the Anna Sui shop sometime because I love Anna Sui, my designer of choice, one day I am gonna get me a purse or bag or something :D 

Studying every other moment too because I want to take the JLPT N4 in July 2011. I have to work hard!